Beginner Scrum Master Stage 3: Does Scrum Apply to Everyday Life?

This is the article for Day 5 of the Mamezou Developer Site Advent Calendar 2024.

I’m Kamei, a Scrum Master and mother of two.
As mentioned at the beginning, in my private life, I’m a mom, constantly juggling household chores and child-rearing while interacting with my kids daily.
Through these experiences, I’ve found myself increasingly thinking, “This is just like Scrum!” when dealing with the progress of household tasks, family interactions, and relationships. My brain is becoming more and more Scrum-oriented.
In this article, I’ll share some personal anecdotes about moments in my private life where I thought, “This is Scrum!” and the lessons I learned from them.
I’ve written this in a lighthearted way to make Scrum feel fun and relatable, so I hope you’ll read it with an open mind.

• Product Owner (the one who thinks, “This has to be done today or by XX date!”): Me
• Developers (the Scrum Team members who complete tasks like household chores and child-rearing): My husband and me
• Scrum Master (the one who identifies areas for improvement during the Sprint and works to remove obstacles early): Me

...Yes, I handle all these roles myself, but this is the reality of our household.
By the way, our two kids are troublesome stakeholders. I’ll explain why later.

In our household, one day equals one Sprint.
Our backlog is overflowing with tasks necessary to keep daily life running (household chores like cleaning, laundry, meal preparation, dishwashing, and parenting tasks like putting the kids to bed, bathing them, preparing for school, and many more).
Of course, as with any backlog, the tasks are mentally prioritized from top to bottom.
Based on the progress of the previous day’s tasks, I assess whether there are any carryover or abandoned tasks that will affect the next Sprint (the next day), what the priorities are, and what my husband’s share of the tasks will be, and I plan accordingly.

Although I plan, I often encounter unexpected tasks inserted by our two stakeholders (the kids) as soon as the day begins.
Even just in the morning, I might have to mediate sibling fights, respond to breakfast change requests (“I don’t want this. I want a different kind of bread”), or deal with the kids not getting ready on time…
These are tasks I can’t refuse to accept (they’re practically obstacles), so more and more tasks get added to the top of my mental backlog. It’s tough.
At this rate, I can’t keep up with the tasks, so improvement is necessary.
So, what should we improve? The daily flow? How we interact as a family? Or how we tackle tasks?
I conduct a mental retrospective alone at night and decide on actions to take.
(Of course, if I can’t think of good actions on my own, I involve the Scrum Team—my husband.)
Here are some of the actions I’ve implemented in the past and the lessons I learned from them.

1. Dealing with a Two-Year-Old’s Tantrums
   The “terrible twos” always start with either “No!” or “I don’t want it!”
   It’s frustrating for us, and if we try to help when we’re pressed for time, it leads to a full-blown meltdown…
   However, by trying the following, things have calmed down significantly, and I’ve been able to handle it more calmly:
   • Don’t force opinions on them.
   • Offer a few options, like A or B.
   • Let them try anything and observe.
   • Praise them for even small successes.

When written out, these seem like obvious things, but I think they’re closely related to team building. It’s made me realize that raising people is similar to raising children.

2. Kids Not Getting Ready
   It’s exhausting to repeatedly ask, “Did you do this?” “Did you do that?” only to have the kids respond, “I know, stop telling me!” while still not making progress, which makes me frustrated too…
   Why is there such a gap between the kids and me? Upon reflection, I realized that the kids couldn’t visualize (low transparency) what they needed to do (their tasks).
   So, I used a whiteboard and magnets to visualize their tasks, making it easy to see at a glance what’s done and what isn’t.
   Additionally, I created a system where they could put a reward sticker on a calendar if they completed all their tasks for the day before bed.
   As a result, they started checking their task status and acting on their own without me having to ask.
   I realized how much clearer and more effective it is to make tasks explicit, like a backlog, and to have a visible place where the status can be checked at a glance.

3. Interacting with Each Sibling
   When mediating sibling fights or addressing conflicting opinions, I make sure to listen to both sides and avoid taking only one side (especially to ensure the older child doesn’t have to bear all the burden).
   I always listen to their opinions fairly, and if they’re wrong, I calmly explain why instead of blaming them. If they’re right, I agree with them.
   If there’s something wrong, I suggest, “Let’s try doing XX next time,” or “It’s hard to change suddenly, so let’s try doing a bit of XX,” to encourage gradual improvement.
   Since kids quickly mimic words, I especially try to use calm and clear language to persuade them.
   This is similar in projects: when there are conflicting opinions, I try to find common ground by showing empathy (“I see what you mean”) and resolving misunderstandings with objective input during conversations.
   I’ve particularly felt through parenting that when opinions clash, people can be sensitive to even a single word, so I’ve learned to speak slowly and carefully.

Of course, I don’t explain Scrum concepts like “Scrum is…” to my family. Instead, I propose and apply parts of Scrum or Agile practices that I think might improve our household.
In projects, too, when introducing Scrum for the first time, starting with terms like “Sprint” or “Retrospective” can lead to resistance, as people might think, “I don’t understand these unfamiliar words!”
Even without using Scrum or Agile terminology, if you say, “If we do it this way, it’ll help with this!” and get people to try it out, they might later realize, “Oh, that thing we were doing was Scrum!” and find it easier to accept.
Using language that anyone can understand and highlighting the benefits so that everyone thinks, “Hey, this is great! Let’s try Scrum!” is exactly what I see as my big mission right now.
Whether in projects or with my family, I want to minimize unnecessary effort and aim for good Sprints and good days as a Scrum Master and a mother.
Well, it’s a bit early, but I wish you all a Happy New Year!